A Farmer’s Night Before Christmas

I got inspired to write this a couple of weeks ago and thought it would make a nice Christmas present for all my blog readers. By coincidence, this morning I came across a post on Susanna Hill’s blog with a holiday contest to write your own version of ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. So if you’re inspired to write your own version (or already have), why not enter Susanna’s contest. Or you could just pop over there and read some of the other fantastic versions of the classic Christmas tale people have come up with.

Here is the version I wrote a few weeks back, inspired by life on the farm in Australia.

A Farmer’s Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and out on the farm,

Not a creature was stirring in stable or barn.

The hats were all hung after a long day of sowing,

And just like the song, the cattle were lowing.

 

The chickens were nestled in roost boxes of straw,

The dog was snoozing by farmer’s front door.

Both farmer and wife sat out in the yard,

Relaxing with cans after working so hard.

 

When out in the paddock there was stomping of hooves,

“Sounds like the cattle are on the move.”

With one final swig, farmer rose from his chair,

Wondering what gave his heifers a scare.

 

The pink and gold sky gave just enough light,

For the farmer to see a very strange sight.

An eight-cattle drove pulling a ute,

With a roaring V8 and a tray full of loot.

 

The driver’s tanned arm propped up on the door,

It had to be Santa, the farmer was sure.

Kicking up dust his Friesian steers came,

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name,

 

“On Sausage, on T-Bone, on Rissole, on Stew,

On Schnitzel, on Beefy, on Rump Roast, on Moo.

To the top of the hayshed; to the top of the dairy,

Get moving you bullies, stop acting like fairies.”

 

Then with a bang they crashed on the roof,

The tin rumbled like thunder under each solid hoof.

In through the screen door the farmer did race,

As Santa squeezed out of the old fireplace.

 

He was dressed in a singlet and blue stubby shorts,

His blundstones were covered in dirt of all sorts.

His skin was all wrinkled and brown as the earth,

He had a belly of considerable girth.

 

The beard on his chin was white as a lamb,

And the smile on his face as wide as a dam.

He gave farmer a wink and a thumb in the air,

Then offloaded the pressies and got out of there.

 

He jumped back in his ute and spurred on his team,

The engine grunted and purred like a dream.

He was heard to yell out as he drove out the gate,

“Have a ripper Chrissie and bonza new year, mate.”

 

To all my blog readers: I hope you have a happy and safe holidays!

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38 Comments

Filed under Just for fun

38 responses to “A Farmer’s Night Before Christmas

  1. Very clever. Perfect for the contest. Have a happy and safe holiday too!

  2. tashaseegmiller

    Great rendition – Loved it!

  3. So nice to “meet” you, Jo! I’m glad you stumbled across the contest. What a totally fun entry this is! i love the names of the steers – very funny! – and I’m not sure I’ll ever get the image of Santa dressed in a singlet and stubby shorts out of my head! Thanks for joining in the fun!

    • thegracefuldoe

      Nice to ‘meet’ you to, Susanna! Thanks for putting the contest up. I would have posted this anyway, but it has been great reading everyone else’s versions.

  4. Very funny – don’t know how you managed to make it all rhyme.

    • thegracefuldoe

      Thanks, Rachel. I love writing rhyme. Some rhymes come much more easily than others–some require a lot of thought and rearranging lines.

  5. “On Sausage, on T-Bone, on Rissole, on Stew,
    On Schnitzel, on Beefy, on Rump Roast, on Moo.”
    LOL
    This is so cute and fun.

  6. Yep, my favorite part is the new names for the “reindeer,” too. Awesome, Jo!

  7. I think this is truly one of my favorite entries! I love it! Excellent rhyme and fabulous visuals! I think I”ll send it to my mom!

  8. Brilliant, Jo and I love the names too! Have a wonderful Christmas.

  9. “On Sausage, on T-Bone, on Rissole, on Stew,

    On Schnitzel, on Beefy, on Rump Roast, on Moo.” How hilarious and creative you are! Good luck and Merry Christmas!

  10. Wow! Love it! I live in the country, so I completely appreciate the farmer’s humor!:) I am amazed at all of the original stories in the contest! So many talented writers–you included! :)

    • thegracefuldoe

      Thanks so much, Natalie! Isn’t it interesting how so many people have drawn on their own lives/world for their versions of the poem. I loved writing a version based on the Aussie farming life–I am blessed for inspiration in that regard. There have been so many fabulous entries so far, I’ve really been enjoying reading them all–so many different and unique takes on the poem. :)

  11. Oh this was so funny! I love the names of the steers.

    A singlet and stubby blue shorts. *snort* Great job!

  12. My mom and I read this out loud together and were laughing so hard we could hardly keep going! On Beefy, on Rump Roast” HA HA HA!! That’s good!!

    • thegracefuldoe

      Glad I could give you and your mum a good laugh. I had a great time writing it and thinking up the names.

      I believe in the U.S. a ute is called a pick-up truck. It’s a vehicle with a cab up front and a tray on the back.

  13. Wonderful poem, Jo! Really fun and unique :-) I had to look up “blundstones.” I’m a city girl! I’m going to wish all my family and friends a “ripper Chrissie!” Love it!

    • thegracefuldoe

      Thanks, Kelly! Blundstones are pretty much standard footwear out in the country (though I don’t actually own a pair myself!) :) I’m a total country girl, so I’m glad I could give you a peek at the country life.

  14. Like the others have said,
    “On Sausage, on T-Bone, on Rissole, on Stew,

    On Schnitzel, on Beefy, on Rump Roast, on Moo.”

    totally cracked me up! I hope one of those fellows does not become my Christmas roast after such a flight! Thanks for sharing Jo!

  15. thegracefuldoe

    Glad you liked their names. I guess if they do a good job they’ll be safe from Christmas dinner ;) Thanks for commenting!

  16. This is too funny, Jo…I LOVE the cattle names as well. Ha, very clever. I like your Aussie ‘well wishes’ at the end. I’m glad we are writing these poems, and not judging them. There are so many good ones!

  17. I’ve read several of these this past week and this is hands down the best version out there. Very funny!

  18. thegracefuldoe

    Jarm – Thank you! I agree there are so many good renditions amongst those submitted. I do not envy Susanna at all for having to have narrowed them down.

    Hannah – Thank you!

    Heather – Wow, thank you so much for the huge compliment!

  19. Jo, this is one unique story, and fun! Doing a lot of driving in Tx and OK and viewing lots of cattle grazing and being transported, this hammers my funny bones. Thanks for sharing your talents!

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